What if the secret to a stronger relationship wasn’t about adding more—more dates, more gifts, more stuff—but about stripping everything away? That’s exactly what Sarah and Tom, a couple from Portland, discovered when they embarked on a radical experiment: living with only 100 personal items each for an entire year. No extra shoes, no overflowing closets, no cluttered kitchen drawers. Just 100 carefully chosen possessions. The result? A transformation in their relationship that was as unexpected as it was profound.
Minimalism is often sold as a path to personal freedom—less stuff, less stress. But for Sarah and Tom, it became a crucible for their partnership, exposing raw truths, forcing tough conversations, and ultimately forging a deeper connection. Their story, inspired by the broader minimalist movement and experiments like The 100 Thing Challenge, offers a lens into how intentional living can reshape not just our homes, but our hearts. Here’s how their year of extreme simplicity rewired their relationship—and what we can all learn from it.
Why They Did It: A Relationship on the Brink
Sarah and Tom weren’t minimalists by nature. Their small apartment was a testament to years of accumulation—books they’d never read, clothes they rarely wore, and gadgets that promised convenience but delivered chaos. “We were drowning in stuff,” Sarah recalls in a blog post on their personal site. “But worse, we were drifting apart.” Arguments over chores, finances, and whose turn it was to declutter the living room were constant. The clutter wasn’t just physical; it was emotional.
In 2023, inspired by Joshua Becker’s work on minimalism, they stumbled across the idea of the 100 Thing Challenge, a concept popularized by Dave Bruno, who challenged people to pare their possessions down to 100 items or fewer. For Sarah and Tom, it wasn’t just about decluttering—it was a last-ditch effort to save their relationship. “We thought, if we can’t fix the mess in our home, maybe we can’t fix us,” Tom says.
The rules were simple but brutal: each person could keep 100 personal items, excluding shared household essentials like furniture or cookware. Clothes, books, electronics, sentimental trinkets—everything counted. They gave themselves one month to declutter and one year to live with the results. What they didn’t expect was how this experiment would force them to confront their values, habits, and each other.
The Decluttering Process: A Mirror to Their Relationship
Facing the Emotional Weight of Stuff
The first step was the hardest: deciding what to keep. Sarah, a self-proclaimed sentimentalist, clung to old letters and childhood mementos. Tom, a tech enthusiast, couldn’t imagine parting with his collection of vintage cameras. “We fought more in that first month than we had in years,” Sarah admits. Each item wasn’t just an object—it was a story, a memory, or a piece of identity. Letting go felt like losing a part of themselves.
Research from the Journal of Consumer Psychology suggests that our possessions often serve as extensions of our identity, making decluttering a deeply emotional process. For Sarah and Tom, this was painfully true. Sarah realized her attachment to old journals stemmed from a fear of forgetting her past, while Tom’s cameras represented a creative passion he’d neglected. These revelations sparked vulnerable conversations they’d avoided for years.
Learning to Compromise
The 100-item limit forced them to negotiate. Sarah wanted to keep her grandmother’s china; Tom argued it was impractical. Tom insisted on keeping his gaming console; Sarah saw it as a time-suck. “We had to learn to listen,” Tom says. “Not just to argue our case, but to understand why the other person cared.” They developed a system: each could “veto” five items the other wanted to keep, but only after discussing why. This exercise in compromise was a crash course in empathy, a skill Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship researcher, identifies as crucial for healthy partnerships.
By the end of the month, their apartment was unrecognizable. Gone were the stacks of unread books, the overflowing shoe rack, and the drawer of tangled cables. What remained was intentional: Sarah’s favorite scarf, Tom’s one cherished camera, a shared set of dishes. But the real transformation wasn’t in their home—it was in how they communicated.
The Year-Long Experiment: Less Stuff, More Connection
Rediscovering Time Together
With fewer possessions to manage, Sarah and Tom found something unexpected: time. No longer spending hours cleaning, organizing, or shopping for replacements, they had space to reconnect. “We started cooking together again,” Sarah says. “Not because we had to, but because we wanted to.” They began taking evening walks, talking about their dreams instead of their to-do lists.
A 2021 study from the University of California found that minimalism can increase life satisfaction by reducing decision fatigue and freeing up time for meaningful activities. For Sarah and Tom, this translated into stronger emotional intimacy. Without the distraction of stuff, they could focus on each other. They started a weekly “no-screens” night, playing board games or reading aloud, rituals that Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist, notes can reignite connection in long-term relationships.
Financial Freedom and Shared Goals
The experiment also reshaped their finances. By selling unused items and curbing impulse buys, they saved over $5,000 in a year, according to their blog. This financial breathing room allowed them to plan a dream trip to Japan, something they’d always postponed. “Money fights were our biggest issue,” Tom says. “Minimalism made us realize we were spending on things, not experiences.”
Research from the Gottman Institute shows that financial stress is a top predictor of relationship strain. For Sarah and Tom, aligning their spending with their values—experiences over possessions—eased tension and fostered teamwork. They created a shared budget, setting goals together for the first time in years.
The Unexpected Challenges
Minimalism wasn’t a magic fix. Sarah struggled with the social pressure to “keep up” with friends who flaunted new clothes or gadgets. Tom missed the thrill of collecting. And both faced moments of doubt—had they gone too far? “There were days I wanted to buy something just to feel normal,” Sarah admits. But these challenges became opportunities to lean on each other, discussing their insecurities openly.
Psychologist Dr. Laurie Santos, host of The Happiness Lab, notes that minimalism can initially trigger discomfort as it forces us to confront our reliance on material goods for happiness. For Sarah and Tom, these moments of vulnerability deepened their trust. “We learned to be each other’s cheerleader,” Tom says.
The Relationship Transformation: Key Takeaways
After a year, Sarah and Tom’s relationship was unrecognizable—not because they’d changed who they were, but because they’d rediscovered each other. Here are the key ways minimalism transformed their partnership:
- Improved Communication: The decluttering process forced them to practice active listening and empathy, skills that carried into everyday conflicts.
- Shared Purpose: Choosing what to keep aligned their values, giving them a unified vision for their future.
- Emotional Intimacy: With fewer distractions, they prioritized quality time, rebuilding the emotional connection that had faded.
- Resilience: Facing challenges like social pressure or doubt together strengthened their partnership, proving they could tackle hard things as a team.
Their story aligns with findings from a 2024 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology, which found that intentional living practices like minimalism can enhance relationship satisfaction by fostering mutual support and shared goals.
What You Can Learn from Sarah and Tom
You don’t need to live with only 100 items to reap the benefits of minimalism in your relationship. Sarah and Tom’s experiment offers universal lessons for couples looking to deepen their connection:
- Start Small: Try a “one-in, one-out” rule for new purchases or declutter one area of your home together. It’s less about the stuff and more about the conversations it sparks.
- Prioritize Experiences: Redirect money and time from material goods to shared activities, like a cooking class or a weekend hike.
- Communicate Intentionally: Use decluttering as a chance to practice empathy and compromise. Discuss why certain items matter to each of you.
- Embrace Discomfort: Minimalism can feel unsettling at first. Lean into those moments as opportunities to grow closer.
If you’re curious about minimalism, start with resources like The Minimalists or Becoming Minimalist. They offer practical tips for simplifying without the extreme 100-item goal.
Beyond the Experiment: A New Way of Life
Sarah and Tom didn’t stick to exactly 100 items after the year ended. “We’re not purists,” Sarah laughs. They’ve added a few things back—a second pair of shoes, a new book or two—but the lessons stuck. Their home remains uncluttered, their budget intentional, and their relationship stronger than ever. “We learned that love isn’t about what you own,” Tom says. “It’s about what you build together.”
Their story challenges us to rethink what we need to be happy. Could letting go of the excess in your life—whether it’s stuff, habits, or expectations—make room for a deeper connection with your partner? Sarah and Tom would say yes. And their year with 100 items proves it’s not just about living with less—it’s about loving with more.
What’s one thing you could let go of today to make space for what truly matters in your relationship? Take a moment to reflect, and maybe, just maybe, start your own experiment.
